Chocolate Heaven

Last night, I ate a Kit-Kat chunky, a Twix, two Oreos and around three trifles. The night before, I ate 2 Kit-Kat chunkies, 4 trifles and two ferrerro-rochers. The night before that, I had half an entire block of chocolate, 2 Kit-Kat chunkies, four Operretas, three ferrerro-rochers and four oreos.

I also ate a lot of other stuff I don't even remember about. This is all thanks to my older sister, Karen (http://www.taylors.edu.my/news/news_landing.php?id=5&news=28) who just graduated and returned from her stay in Reading, England.

Her room-mates had too much chocolate to bring home by themselves, so they gave the excess to her, which ended up mostly in my mouth due to the fact that both of my sisters are trying to eat as few as possible. She also brought back Flakes (which I love to death) but my grandmother gave them away (GRRR). Well, that's all I'm writing this time, because I have an uhhhh.... appointment.

That's Strange

Today I wanted to go out with Shaun ( in case you're wondering, he's from a different school ) to play basketball and just mess up the place. I went to put on my sports shoes ( the only non-school shoes that I have, actually ). While putting in my foot, I felt something strange.

Thinking it was a rock, I turned over the shoe, and a toad jumped out of it. Hmmm.... Well, yeah this is kind of a short post, but I just thought that was strange.....

The Joys of the Internet

I love the internet. I love it so much. It's the inanimate object that I love the most, which is kinda wrong, but I don't care.

I hate projects. I hate then so much. It's the inanimate object I hate the most, which is kinda wrong but I don't care either.

One of the main reasons I love the internet so much is because they help me finish as fast as possible the thing that I hate so much. Similar to most of you, I have three ( infuriatingly annoying ) projects. These are: my Geography project, Civics, and Moral.

First up, Geography. Instead of being like all those hard-working slaves in my class, I decided not to make a single original sentence. I found the article on Damansara Jaya in Wikipedia along with that of our school ( man, they have everything ). It had loads and loads of stuff, but it was all in English. Too lazy to translate with my head, I found an English to Malay translator on Blackle ( which I am now using instead of Google ).

One down , two to go. Next, Civics. This was another infuriating task made incredibly simple by the wonders of the internet. There were two steps to this task: First, ask a friend to send me the completed project in an e-mail. Second, change the names. Done.

Lastly, there was Moral. Since this was a group project, I was assigned to one task: the history of Malacca. I logged on to the Malay version of Wikipedia, searched Malaccan history, and copy-pasted everything on the page.

Once again, the internet saves the day.

The End of The World, Courtesy of Brandon Tan

As revealed to me in a phone conversation with Brandon last night, the world will have a pretty good chance of coming to an abrupt end in the year 2012. Yes, you only have four years to live before you die a horrible, horrible death. The cause of death? A gigantic asteroid will fall out of the sky and crush your tiny face.

I think that's utter bullshit. If we were really gonna die in 4 years, wouldn't it be all over the news? According to Brandon, the reason it's not on the news is because nobody cares about what happens in 4 years. Well, I don't know about you, but if someone told me I'd die in 4 years I'd like.... steal his car and stuff. At least I wouldn't have to deal with SPM.

However, if it is true that an asteroid will impact Earth in the year 2012, there's gonna be riots and shit so keep your shotgun close-by. Yes, this post has been quite a bore, but there's always a silver lining. In a bet I made with Brandon yesterday, if he is not on the planet Mars escaping the asteroid by the year 2012, then he owes me 5000 bucks. This post is partly to remind myself of that. I can smell the money now.

I Do Weird Things

Yes, I do weird things. I do them quite often. For example, just yesterday, after church I went to Atria. It... was kinda weird. While waiting for my mom and my sis to buy some stuff, I felt an itch on my leg, scratched it, and noticed a lot a of red stuff flowing out.

As it turns out, the red stuff was - wait for it! - blood. The problem was, there was quite a lot of it so I decide to wipe it off with my hand. Great, now my hand's covered in blood. Then I decided to wipe my hand on the floor. Great, now there's a 1 foot long bloodstain on the floor.

I then decide to ignore the cut but realized that it was now bleeding on my pants. I wiped it off again, resulting on more blood on my hands ( literally ). I then wiped that on the wall this time, at which point a woman was staring at me. I walked away looking as innocent as possible, and tried not to stand close to the bloodstains when I asking my sister for a plaster.

If the janitor was lazy, you might still be able to find the stains right outside the cashiers at Giant.

I Hate RPGs

As you might know by now, I hate many, many things. Might as well tell you more things that I passionately loathe, things that most others spend half their lives toiling on. First and foremost, is the RPG, or role-playing game, essentially a game where you play a role, learn skills, buy stuff and level up.

Now, for the hating bit. First of all this whole thing is retarded. People spend so much freaking time leveling up their character, finishing the quest they've unlocked and then leveling up again, stopping occasionally to kill a mushroom/zombie/knight/ghost/dragon/evil living toilet bowl. It's pointless. It's a waste of time. Yet people love it. I'll never understand people.

The only RPG I've ever spent a significant amount of time playing was Kingdom of Loathing and that was because it made fun of other RPGs and was actually a pretty good time-waster. But the others, Runescape, Maple Story, Cabal, and the bucket-load of similar games are all just crap. Seriously. The day I enjoy Maple Story is the day I swallow razor wire, pull it out my ass, and floss myself to death ( picture not included ).

P.S. I got 8 unique viewers. Darn.

Cutting an Orange, 1 Keruing Style

I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Well, not exactly, because I actually have tons of things to blabber on about, just that they're not very interesting ( and neither is anything on this blog ). Therefore, I have decided to write about something that happened quite a while ago, when Mr. Tysern was still teaching.

It was right after the Chinese New Year holidays. Mr. Tysern had taught us that throwing wet tissues at the ceiling was a great way to add some cheap, long-lasting decorations - they're still up there.

Anyway, before the holidays, My. Tysern had given each of us an orange. Most of us ate it, but after the holidays, Angeline discovered it was still in her bag. She later left the class and it was at this point that I decided to take the orange; and like the paper balls, "accidentally" throw it up into the fan.

The fan made a clean cut through the orange and a piece of it hit someone, staining their shirt. After some continuous laughter for about 5 minutes, Zien Han, the guy sitting next to me, took the larger piece and threw it into the fan again. This time, the whole thing exploded, with most of it flying out the window.

I love oranges.

Hatred for My Fellow Man

We've all had it. Hatred. Lots of it. I, in particular, have a lot ( can't afford anger management ) and thus, feel compelled to post a list of the people who I would gladly bludgeon to death with a wrench for five dollars. Heck, I'd even do it for fun ( well, at least in my mind ). Following are the people I hate most in 1 Keruing, ( excluding those who may visit my blog ) followed by the reason I hate them. Enjoy.

Amy Chua : stuck-up, won't shut the heck up.

Kathleen Sasha : same as Amy, talks like crazy.

Nicole Chan : don't get me started on this one... Urghhh....

Angeline Koh : being an annoying prick.

Jivean Maes : better now, but still not good.

Formerly on my list:

Lau Jun Yee : he's better now.

Lucas Tan : because he saw my blog (thanks Brandon).

Puppies Part 1

In reference to my previous post, An Exercise in Futility, I will now regard this blog as a journal. It is only fitting, then that I add one of the greatest stories I've ever written. ( well, actually, it sucks but since it's the only story I've written voluntarily, it is technically the best )

Prepare yourself for part one of.... puppies.

PUPPIES

WARNING: This story is incredibly boring and quite frankly a waste of time. Do not attempt to read unless you’re bored too. Any misinformation due to the reading of this story is seriously not my fault. This story is completely 100 percent true except for the made-up bits.

One day, Mr. Spam l337 decided to eat some pizza. He went to the cliff to ask for it. He decided to wet the cliff with liquid nitrogen. Three days later, a policeman went to the moon to search for computers when a telescope came out of nowhere. He went to the telescope and saw a cliff with liquid nitrogen on it. The policeman immediately ate some emergency pizza and flew to the home of Mr. Spam 1337. He went there and said, "Did you own my yak?" Mr. Spam l337 said yes. Then the policeman said “You are over arrest for liquidising nitrogen and then dumping it on a cliff.” “NOOOOO!!!” replied Mr. Spam l337 and then he exploded. All the puppies in the immediate vicinity were incinerated so you couldn't tell that they were ever puppies at all. “That’s terrible!” screamed the policeman whilst eating handfuls of concentrated Pizza Drink.

An Exercise in Futility

A blog, as many may define it, is for public, or at least, semi-public view. As far as I know, I am the only person reading this blog ( unless, of course, Brandon decided to tell you about it) and that equates to, basically talking to myself.

As you, ( or more likely, I ) can see, this is an exercise in futility. But due to my personal motto " If it's worth doing, it's worth over-doing. " I have decided to continue on with this exercise in futility and let it possibly become some sort of journal.

I mean, in a few thousand years, someone ( or something ) may have the unfortunate chance of stumbling upon this mass of words and might actually remember me. You know, like.... uhhh.... [place good example here].

An Introduction

HeLLo.

This is a blog. You may already know that, but I'm just reminding you in case you may have forgot. The main subject of this blog will be:

ANYTHING

Urhhh.. yea you can leave now. Or, if you want to, you can stay, but don't say I didn't warn you. Repeatedly.

Anyway, to get this thing started, here's my first topic:

Things I Want to Do in The Near Future

Yea, I'm really bored, so why not I empty the contents of my mind and spill it all over the floor for the whole world to see? No? Too late.

Here's a list of the things I want to do in the near future. Why? Not entirely sure myself, but I'm writing it anyway.

1.Fly
2.Stop time
3.Stop time some more
4.Fly some more
5.Make a movie
6.Make some more movies
7.Juggle knives
8.Become a master swordsman
9.Juggle more knives
10.Be ambidextrous
11.Be more ambidextrous
12.Fly more
13.Fly a lot more
14.Fly even more
15.Did I mention flying?
16.Think of a better list